On wings of darkest night

2008-09-15T07:30:00.002+08:00

By the time you read this, I probably would be in the car, with my parents up front giving me some useful (as perceived by them) last-minute advice, me barely paying attention, zoning out and thinking of all the good stuff I'm leaving behind, as well as the stuff I'll be going through for the next couple of weeks during my Tekong Chalet confinement, and the stuff I said yesterday.

Recruit Riyan, signing off, sir.

Happy birthday, Serene.

2008-09-14T10:21:00.002+08:00

Big day tomorrow. I'm not exactly anxious, but I can't help but look forward to enlisting and becoming an operative of THE COMPANY. Ok, that was a lie - I'm just trying to think positive. It's working. Kinda.

This post is a list of all the things I wanna say to certain people before I go tomorrow, because I don't know when I'll get the chance to talk to them again, so here goes:

1) To my family: STOP WORRYING LAH!

2) To my friends who will be joining THE COMPANY from tomorrow onwards (Jarrydeee and Sailesh included): Eh if you all free at night just SMS me ah. We go meet at cookhouse lim kopi ok?

3) Jessie: I frickin' seriously hope to see you again, ya bundle of niceness! Thanks for making my time at the school un-boring, and I really appreciate how pleasant you've been to me; most of the other teachers there wouldn't have bothered talking to a grunt relief teacher like me. So thanks! =)

4) Maisarah: Ok, now that I know you're single then I think I can safely say this - YA LAH YA LAH I USED TO HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU...and maybe I still do.

5) Serene: Someone once told me, "We make our own luck, and our own lives." Wait, I think that was from a movie, my bad. Anyway, we're 20, growing older, single (and in your case highly intelligent) and didn't go far with what we had, not because we were indecisive, but because of external factors. More than anything, I'd love to give it another shot, and this is probably the part where you say something along the lines of "No, we can't because of said external factor," and this is the part where I bring your attention to abovementioned quote about making our own luck and lives. Said external factor doesn't know me, so for said external factor to write me off just like that is just unfair. Besides, we're old enough so it wouldn't hurt to speak out once in a while; I'd do the same for you in one-tenth of a heartbeat. So let's give it another try. I'm game if you are.

Okok, I'm done.

2008-09-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

I collected my new specs for THE COMPANY this afternoon: thick black frame with huge lenses. I put 'em on, took a look at myself in the mirror, and has a flashback episode.........

1998

"Har your specks like that one ah? Eeeyur, look so nerdy one leh!!"

"Hahaha geeky man!!!"

"Wah cool leh!!!" (and the guy bursts out laughing)

2008

...........and was reminded of my primary school days when the kids were smart, but mean, and probably hadn't heard of passing judgment diplomatically. Assholes. Yeah I looked like a square back then, but WTF I WAS ONLY 10 YEARS OLD AND THE NUMBNUTS IN MY CLASS WEREN'T EXACTLY MR/MISS/MRS/MDM UNIVERSE MATERIAL EITHER. We were young, but age should never be an excuse for being a MoFo; hell, I've taught younger kids who are better behaved than the zoo I called my class back when I was young.

I hope I don't meet anyone I know from primary school at THE COMPANY. If the guy has a good memory, worse luck; he'll probably give me grief for a fashion faux pas made when I was too young to even know what the word meant.

Then again, these new geek-specs look pretty good on me, now that I'm older.

It's hip to be square, yo.

2008-09-12T18:58:00.000+08:00

They grow up so fast.

Brennan Huff (Will Ferrell) is a thirty-nine-year-old who has never left home and lives with his divorced mother, Nancy Huff (Mary Steenburgen). Dale Doback (John C. Reilly) is a forty-year-old who also has never left home and lives with his widower father, Dr. Robert Doback (Richard Jenkins). Both of them are unemployed and have been living off the goodness of their parents their whole lives. Nancy meets Robert; they fall in love, marry, and move into Robert's home. The two sons are forced to live together in the same room as step brothers. Brennan and Dale initially hate each other, but find out that they are not too different. They are like 12-year-olds trapped in adult bodies who haven't grown up and live in their own little worlds. They become best friends, and then their parents decide to kick them out, because they are getting a divorce. They set up job interviews, but to no avail. Their lives are about to change, and they must grow up.

A Judd Apatow Production. Will Ferrell. M18. You guys should know me well enough by now.

'Nuff said. Rating: 4/5 stars

P.S. This is my last review before I go join THE COMPANY (refers to yesterday's post). Back in two weeks with a new one (I hope)!

2008-09-11T21:43:00.003+08:00

Four more days until I depart for a top-secret, well-concealed, high-level, for-my-eyes-only military facility with hundreds of other recruits to begin our covert ops training for the organisation known only as...THE COMPANY.

An organisation whose name strikes fear and despair into the hearts of Singaporean males who have come of age and are required to serve it, to carry out its orders unfailingly and unquestioningly.

An organisation which is responsible for transforming scrawny, skinny lads (like yours truly) into lean, mean, fighting machines by using a technique so controversial, it's caused...ummmmm...a lot of controversy. Yeah.

An organisation from which there is NO ESCAPE.

Hooo-weeee, that sure beat just saying," I'm enlisting in four days time."

All righty then, time to get packin'.

2008-09-10T18:15:00.000+08:00

After 700 years of doing what he was built for, he'll finally discover what he was meant for.

In a distant, but not so unrealistic future, where mankind has abandoned earth because it has become covered with trash from products sold by the powerful multi-national Buy N Large corporation, WALL-E, a garbage collecting robot has been left to clean up the mess. Mesmerized with trinkets of earth's history and show tunes, WALL-E is alone on Earth except for a sprightly pet cockroach. One day, Eve, a sleek (and dangerous) reconnaissance robot, is sent to earth to find proof that life is once again sustainable. WALL-E falls in love with Eve. WALL-E rescues Eve from a dust storm and shows her a living plant he found amongst the rubble. Consistent with her "directive" Eve takes the plant and automatically enters a deactivated state except for a blinking green beacon. WALL-E, doesn't understand what has happened to his new friend, but true to his love, he protects her from wind, rain, and lightning, even as she is unresponsive. One day a massive ship comes to reclaim Eve, but WALL-E, out of love or loneliness hitches a ride on the outside of the ship to rescue Eve.

Pixar makes great animated films. From their first feature film, Toy Story (1995), all the way to WALL-E, I've watched all of their works, and I've never left the cinema unsatisfied. These guys are good at what they do, and their films, while animated (and are commonly mistaken as glorified cartoons for kiddies by cynics the world over), are for everyone, not just the young 'uns, but adults too. Which grown-up won't confess to feeling a sense of nostalgia as WALL-E tries to impress Eve after they just met with his cute little antics? Moments like those remind us of the glory days when we were courting our first love, and how we tried everything humanly possible to get their attention. And what about the underlying message of the pain and suffering we're inflicting upon the earth with our pollution? If we're not careful, the future depicted in WALL-E will be more than just a fantasy - it'll be a possibility.

One of the other neat things about WALL-E is the lack of dialogue between the two robots. Though they don't talk much, they're pretty expressive with their body language. WALL-E's adorable eyes will make many of you go "Awwww...." whenever he moves them around to make a variety of facial expressions. And what's notto like about Eve? She's a sleek probe with blue eyes...and a laser blaster that she doesn't hesitate to use. Terminator, anyone?

WALL-E is definitely a must-watch for everyone. Heck, we could all learn a few tips on how to get the ladies to notice us, courtesy of that durn cyuuuuute robot. The little guy probably has a better love-life than we do! Rating: 5/5 stars

(And thanks to the Powers-That-Be for not making this a movie about talking animals. I've enough of that crap; Ratatouille was FTW, period.)

2008-09-08T08:52:00.001+08:00

WOLVERINE VS...BART SIMPSON??!!!

2008-09-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

2008-09-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

RAHHHHH WHY COULDN'T I HAVE MET HER EARLIER???!!!!!

2008-09-02T09:37:00.000+08:00

A TALE OF TWO HAWKINGS

Spot the difference.

2008-08-31T20:27:00.002+08:00

A comedy about getting dumped and taking it like a man.

Devastated Peter Bretter takes a Hawaii vacation in order to deal with his recent break-up with his TV star girlfriend, Sarah Marshall. Little does he know that Sarah's traveling to the same resort as her ex ... and she's bringing along her new boyfriend, rocker Aldous Snow. Madcap moments ensue as the two former lovers try to one-up each other with hilarious results.

What can I say? I'm a big Judd Apatow fan. He makes great comedies, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall is one of his best works since The 40-Year-Old Virgin (a classic!). It's a good date movie, if your date's got a decent sense of humour and a high level of tolerance for blink-and-you'll-miss-it glimpses of the male anatomy.

Boy, Judd Apatow wasn't kidding when he said, "I'm gonna get a penis in every movie I do from now on." Rating: 5/5 stars

2008-08-30T21:58:00.001+08:00

WHAT DOES MY NAME MEAN????!!!!!

What Riyan Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Oh.

Kinda true.

2008-08-29T19:46:00.003+08:00

Today was the last day of my teaching stint, and I've got a feeling it really is, because I doubt that the school will call me to come down and teach anymore, what with my NS coming up in a couple of weeks.

I said my necessary goodbyes to my students and my Scouts, and it was kinda amusing to see some of them get all weepy over my departure. Considering the fact that I'm pretty strict with them, "weepy" ain't exactly one of the reactions I was expecting; more like "celebration" or "jubilation." Oh well. Takes many trees to make a forest, now doesn't it?

I did have a hard time saying goodbye to one of the teachers, who has been the only company I've had during my two weeks there, and probably one of the few people who matter to me at that school. But goodbyes were never meant to be easy, were they? I forced myself to man up and say what I had to.

And I walked away, and never looked back.

2008-08-28T20:34:00.000+08:00

I came across this skit made by a group called the Famous Last Nerds while trawling through YouTube. It basically spoofs the famous Sherlock Holmes story The Hound of the Baskervilles in 3 minutes:

"But Holmes, the girls want some!"

"No you can't"

"Why not?"

"Elementary school my dear Watson!"

2008-08-26T20:31:00.000+08:00

Whoever knew that I Am Legend had so much in common with Home Alone? This video simply pwns!

2008-08-25T19:58:00.000+08:00

When I was a wee lad, I harboured dreams of being a cop when I grew up. I never knew why; I just felt that it was the right thing to do. Ah, the innocence of childhood.

Now that I'm older and I've seen the poster below, maybe it ain't so bad to follow your childhood dreams, eh?

2008-08-24T12:57:00.000+08:00

Another call, another week of teaching.

MR RIYAN FTW KIDDIES!

2008-08-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

LAST DAY OF MY TEACHING STINT WOOOOOTS!!!

And nothing beats being hounded by students who just wanna say thank you for teaching them and entertaining them.

Awwww shucks, thanks you guys. The pleasure's been mine. =)

2008-08-21T19:51:00.000+08:00

GO EARTH DEFENDER FRESHMEN!!!

On a side note, that Pink Fresh Ranger is HAWT.

2008-08-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

It seems that after the success of The Dark Knight, many people are referencing characters from the film. Take this case, for example:

I was walking home from the library after returning my books (and for the first time in 15 years of being a library user, I was empty-handed BECAUSE I HAD A 9 DOLLAR FINE FOR A BUNCH OF BOOKS I RETURNED LATE OK SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS THAT LATE), and there was this little girl, probably of kindergarten age, strolling along with her mother. They were having some semblance of a conversation:

MOM:....no, mummy will not bring you to watch that flim (no, really, she pronounced it like that)

GIRL: But I want to see Batman!!!

Ah, I think, a young fan of Bats. There's hope for the world yet. Wait.Is The Dark Knight even still showing in cinemas? If it is I'm gonna get me some tickets.

MOM:....yah, your Auntie Ellen say that after she bring Joshua to watch, he cannot sleep, say he keep seeing Joker in his dreams leh. What if you also like that? Then how?

GIRL: Mummy Joker so cute you know? He more hansum than the McDonald man leh!!!

Well, my dear girl:

OH REALLY?

2008-08-19T21:36:00.002+08:00

Yeah yeah the Sillypore table tennis team won a medal at the Olumpricks. Congrats, you made us proud, you ended our 48-year wait, you'll be rich when you get back yadda yadda yadda.

Funny, I coulda sworn I saw 2 Chinese flags flying when they were giving out the medals.

2008-08-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

My luck ain't so bad after all; I ended up teaching the P5s today, and boy are they a fun bunch to be around. I don't remember my P5 days ever being as lively as theirs, but then again I came from a boring school and got stuck in the geeky class. Yeah maybe my luck WAS bad those days.

I've also learned to steer clear of the staff room whenever I have a break between my classes (just like in poly, I've got two-hour breaks between classes WOOTS) because I'm not interested in getting caught up in any politicking or love affairs that go on behind those glass doors, plus the place can be so NOISY sometimes. What's a guy to do to have some peace to read?

Oh, and I'm serious about the part on love affairs in the staff room. Doesn't MOE have strict policies regarding these kinds of things? Like:

"DON'T MAKE IT SO OBVIOUS UNTIL EVEN YOUR STUDENTS KNOW AND WHINE ABOUT IT TO SOME RANDOM RELIEF TEACHER?"

Sheesh.

2008-08-17T12:13:00.002+08:00

I just got a call from the school I used to teach at, and they want me to come in tomorrow morning and fill in for some teacher who is on course or something FOR THE WHOLE WEEK.

NOOOOO!!! MY BSG!!!!

And:

NOOOO!!! NOT THE P3s!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THE P3s!!!!

2008-08-15T20:55:00.004+08:00

The most terrifying ride you'll ever take.

Honestly,I hate the weeks that pass after the summer blockbusters are screened in the US. What it guarantees us, in Singapore, is basically 3 to 4 weeks of boredom and money piling up in our wallets since there are no good movies to watch (I am, of course, talking about the discerning movie-goers who pick and choose their films wisely). So imagine my joy when I saw that The Midnight Meat Train was opening this week. Apart from an unusual title (which is explained in the first 5 minutes of the film), it's got Vinnie Jones in it. DUDE, VINNIE FREAKIN JUGGERNAUGHT JONES!!!

The story goes: a young photographer (who, I can safely say, is the most boring protagonist to ever appear in a horror flick) stumbles upon the violent murders that are committed by a "butcher" (the quotes are there because I don't actually know what he does; he works in a meatpacking plant pounding meat with a tenderizer. Izzat a butcher?) and goes on a journey to stop these murders before the lives of more citizens are lost.

So he goes down to whatever passes off for an MRT station in the States and takes the same train as the guy. No, really.

It does sound kinda dumb when you read it, but I have an uncanny talent for selling stuff short, so if you wanna know more, you know the drill. Some advice: please don't laugh at the "surprise" ending.

I swear I didn't mean to, but then again, it's kinda WTF. Rating: 4/5 stars

2008-08-13T11:13:00.002+08:00

I came across this list of how angmoh's and local guys are perceived online, and 8I gotta admit, it's kinda true:

Social perceptions in the 21st century in modern day S'pore:

1. Angmoh dude with SG chick = SG chick likes tall n hansum outspoken guy

SG dud with Angmoh chick = Is that white biaetch of sound mind?

2. Angmoh dude open door for lady = gentlemanly and impresses everyone around

SG dud open door for lady = copy Angmoh, people around get suspicious and wonder "is he tryin to score points here?"

3. Angmoh chats up SG chick = interesting and involved conversation in no time

SG dud chats up any chick = creepy encounter, hesitant conversation

4. Angmoh speak broken Chinese = cute and amuses everyone around

SG dud speak fluent English = banana, soon outcasted by Singlish-speaking friends

5. Angmoh drive sports car = James Bond aura, chick magnet

SG dud drive sports car = Chao Ah Beng

6. Angmoh in suit and tie = CEO

SG dud in suit and tie = MLM

7. Intelligent Angmoh = Professional, outspoken, sporty, loaded, enjoys life, extroverted

Intelligent SG dud = independent worker, nerdy, softspoken, introverted, un-streetsmart, wins olympiads

SG is the place to be!

Man, it looks like we local dudes don't stand a fat chance in hell, do we?

2008-08-11T12:24:00.000+08:00

Damn Tao Li was so close to getting a medal!!!!

And the outcome of the Ronald Susilo vs Lee Chong Wei badminton match was obvious. Duh. Pwnage at its best.

2008-08-10T14:37:00.001+08:00

BERNIE MAC: 1957 - 2008

One of the greatest comedians the world has ever known has passed away from complications of pneumonia, at the age of 50. The last time I saw him on screen was in Transformers, as Bobby Bolivia, the used car salesman that Sam and his dad seek out to get a car from. Even though it was just a 10-minute role, he did it excellently, and those 10 minutes were a riot.

Here's a tribute to the great man, one final curtain call:

2008-08-09T23:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since my last post (thank goodness not TOO long a while) because I've been busy painting the house,something I like to think of as my last great service to my family before I leave for Tekong Chalet in September. I chose some yellowy colour for the walls, and tangerine for the cornices (tangerine? Ain't that just a glorified word for orange?), and for someone whose most artistic ctreak is spray painting a bicycle, I can say that the end product ain't half bad. Congrats to me and my genius for picking a good blend of colours. Please, keep up the praise. =)

On a a side note, Happy National Day.

2008-08-01T15:32:00.000+08:00

UNHOLY VOLDEMORT, HARRY!!! 'TIS THE TRAILER FOR YOUR NEW MOVIE!!!

2008-07-28T20:20:00.001+08:00

Well, it's good to see that some resourceful blokes out there are capitalizing on the fact that Christian Bale a.k.a Batman got arrested this week for assaulting his mom and sis.

Click here and check out this Flash game: Run Batman Run! It's pretty cool and helps to while the hours away.

Beat my score dudes!

2008-07-26T19:18:00.000+08:00

2008-07-25T22:16:00.000+08:00

I've now watched The Dark Knight twice...

...and I plan to watch it one more time during the weekend. It'll be the last one, I promise.

I think.

2008-07-23T20:39:00.000+08:00

I'm still reeling from the awesomeness of The Dark Knight, so here are a couple of cool related videos. One's uber-cool, a masterpiece of good video editing, and the other...well, let's just say that it'll make you wanna watch reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

BATTLE OF THE BATMANS!!!

THE FRESH PRINCE OF GOTHAM!!!

2008-07-22T19:36:00.001+08:00

"And the great spaghetti monster came out of the depths of the lightness and called out to me, telling of the greatness of himself and the evil of man. He spoke to me quietly saying, "One day, my tentacle will smite those who have smote you and the great ones who have held their tentacle deep within their hearts will rejoice at the glory within." - Book of The Great Spaghetti Monster 10:2

Seriously, just read about this stuff on Wikipedia and have a good laugh.

I BELIEVE IN THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER! I DO!

2008-07-21T22:28:00.002+08:00

2008-07-19T16:24:00.000+08:00

Welcome to a world without rules.

First things first: those Philistines out there who think that Batman is just a dumb guy who wears a dumb mask and uses it to spook the bad guys, please leave the theatre.

Next: those of you who believe that the late Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker is overhyped and nothing special to write home about, find the nearest high-rise building in your area, go up to the highest floor, and JUMP OFF. Yeah, that includes certain bored, underpaid journalists and bored, underpaid movie reviewers (you know who you are).

Finally: those of you who came to watch The Dark Knight just because you had spare cash in your wallet, or were bored after school and didn't want to go home, clean up the mess made by the category of people above.

Ok good. Now we can get started.

I'm so damn glad to say that The Dark Knight lived up to all the hype that it's been generating for the past few months. Trailers, viral marketing campaigns, the works...it all paid off. I can safely say that every single person who entered the theatre (with the exception of the three categories of people mentioned previously) definitely felt a slight tremor of anticipation as the movie started, me included. Heck, I wasn't trembling; I was CONVULSING in anticipation.

The Dark Knight has surpassed the standards set by Batman Begins in leaps and bounds, and we have an ensemble cast and dedicated behind-the-scenes team to thank for that. I absolutely adore Christopher Nolan's films for one simple reason: they get you thinking. They make you appreciate the fine art of cinema. And they are GOOD. From Memento, to The Prestige, and up to The Dark Knight, his films are as artistic as they get. But then again, considering the fact that most Singaporeans actually go to the cinema to burn some time and money, "artistic" wouldn't be the word that they'd use to describe his film. "Cheem," probably. Or "What the fuck." Perhaps, "Wah lau eh I don't understand the movie man. So cheem! What the fuck the director doing?" Ah, a 3-in-1 combo. Wonderful.

Christian Bale is a GREAT batman. He owns the role of the main character in every film he's appeared in, like American Psycho, The Prestige, and of course, the Nolan Batman films (and I hope he can keep it up in his new role as John Connor in Terminator: Salvation). In The Dark Knight, he's a man under siege, protecting a city under siege from the criminal acts of The Joker, who has managed to ally himself with the mob bosses of Gotham City. From the get-go, nothing goes well for Batman: The Joker is a brilliant, yet insane psychopath who outplays him at every turn, always getting the upper hand, and hitting him where it hurts - the people he cares about. So to bring down a man who follows no rules, Batman has to break a few, and this is what makes the film interesting: the premise that a hero, an upholder of justice and a guardian of law has to take a a running leap over those very laws that he has sworn to uphold. The Dark Knight sets the stage for a tragedy in Batman's life: the loss of the woman he loves, Rachel Dawes, and that's when all bets are off. Relentlessly he pursues The Joker, trying so hard to thwart his maniacal schemes...but at what cost?

The late Heath Ledger is brilliant in his role of The Joker. Like Christian Bale and Batman, Ledger wears the role of The Joker like a white, pasty-faced second skin, and he does it with aplomb. Not even Jack Nicholson's portrayal of the original Joker in the original Batman film (1989) comes close to the role of the murderous psychopath that Ledger has made his own. The first time you see The Joker, you don't even know it's him until he kills the members of his band of bank robbers, not to get a bigger slice of the money pie from their heist, but just for kicks. Joker is a creature without remorse, an individual who lives on the razor's edge of a world without rules, and someone who truly understands, and literally takes, the meaning of the phrase "you've got to break a few eggs to make an omelette," because he knows that he can't draw Batman out without taking a few innocent lives as bait. The Joker also has no origin: he seemingly comes out of nowhere to make a deal with the mob bosses of Gotham, and nothing is revealed about his past, and that's the way I like it. He may look like a clown, but this is one clown you wouldn't want to see at a circus because it would probably blow up in 5 minutes if you did. This also a clown who could keep your whiny, obnoxious little sister quiet by making her a balloon animal...and shoving it down her throat.

Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent/Two-Face is another gem. I don't know who Aaron Eckhart is, but after watching his performance as the "white knight" of Gotham, I'm gonna be following his movies closely. He plays the district attorney determined to bring down the crime families of Gotham, no matter what it takes, no matter how long it takes. He succeeds in this ambitious mission, but at a terrible price: he and Rachel Dawes are kidnapped by the Joker, and she ends up getting killed when the warehouse they're being held at is blown sky high. By a cruel twist of fate, Harvey survives...with half his face burned beyond recognition. His dark descent into the Two-Face persona then begins, transforming him from the public hero of Gotham, to the ruthless killer with a split personality, a man who decides the fate of his victims with the flip of a scarred coin, which was, before the accident, a symbol of his belief that everyone makes their own luck. Heads, you die. Tails...well, he'll keep flipping until he gets heads. Too bad. You still die.

An ensemble cast of characters, great cinematography, a complex plot, as well as a magnificent musical score makes The Dark Knight THE movie to catch this week. Kudos to the people who have worked tirelessly to bring us a fantastic movie, a sequel three years in the making, one which does not disappoint. They are the ones who have worked hard to bring us the best that they can offer, and The Dark Knight is the end product...a masterpiece.

Rating: 5/5 stars

2008-07-18T19:18:00.000+08:00

OMG.

I've just watched The Dark Knight with Sailesh, Prem and JJ, and boy oh boy am I stoked. It's hands-down THE BEST BATMAN FILM EVER MADE.

Christian Bale - THE BEST BATMAN

The late Heath Ledger - THE BEST JOKER

Aaron Eckhart - THE BEST TWO-FACE

Yeah you punks read that right: The Dark Knight sets a new record of bests. It PWNS big time.

Review tomorrow.

Watching it again next week.

Oh yeah, have I mentioned how The Dark Knight is THE BEST BATMAN FILM EVER MADE?

Just checking.

2008-07-15T18:43:00.002+08:00

GAAAAHHHH!!! It's a ginormous Pikachu giving unnatural birth!!!

Or is the girl crawling back into the Pikachu's twat?

Either way...OMGWTFBBQ!!!

2008-07-12T16:22:00.001+08:00

I had to go down to Canberra Primary School's Open House today to supervise the Cub Scouts in selling their donation draw tickets; you know, the usual stuff: make sure they don't misbehave, make sure they ask people to buy the tickets nicely, make sure they're not too forceful, make sure this, that, yadda yadda yadda.

So I get to the school at 9am, all dressed up in my nice white Scout uniform. I ask the boys to gather round and give them a few pointers that would hopefully help them to sell the tickets (the stuff mentioned above, duh), and in a few minutes Mr Kasni, the teacher-in-charge comes along with a great big bag of cream rolls for the boys, which he hands out. Then comes the big surprise: he wanted me to take care of the remaining cream rolls. HAH? I was supposed to play jaga in my glorious uniform? Serious boh?

Yes, he was serious, so I didn't argue and spent the next one hour sitting next to the flagpole at the parade square with a plastic bag of cream rolls at my feet. So not glamorous.

I finally wised up and took a walk around the school, confident that no one would go through so much trouble to steal a bag of cream rolls. I had a look-see at some of the displays that were put up by the students and teachers and checked out the people who came. I talked to some of the Cub Scouts who were scurrying around hawking their donation draw tickets for a while and decided to get back to my sorry-ass job of guarding cream rolls at the flagpole. So I go downstairs to the parade square.......

........AND FIND MY BLOODY CREAM ROLLS MISSING!!!

The next half-hour was a game of treasure hunt as I ran circles around the school trying to track down the cream rolls, which I eventually found in the cleaner's store. Anyhow take and hide sia, this fellow. By then it was already lunchtime, so me and the posse ate and talked about how much they had collected. Unsurprisingly a lot of them hadn't sold a lot of the tickets and were ready to throw in the towel. Ol' Riyan, always the devil's advocate, asked them to join me in my thankless task of guarding the cream rolls, and these little dudes, ever so obedient, agreed. LOL.

We got bored and did a lot of dumb stuff to pass the time, like bottle-swordfighting, real-life Pokemon battling and just scampering around like drunk mice. Around 2pm, as the Open House was wrapping up, some hot babe came up to me and asked if I wanted to buy some "healthy ice-cream (which was being sold in the canteen) as she needed to clear her stock. Not one to say no to a pretty face, I got some of the stuff for me and my boys, but not before I managed to get her name:

GRACE. Oh yeah.

And I found out that she would be coming again during the school's National Day celebrations, so you can bet a carton of that healthy ice-cream a certain young man will be there too! Nyeh heh heh heh heh!

2008-07-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

Saving the world is a hell of a job.

The mythical world starts a rebellion against humanity in order to rule the Earth, so as Hellboy and his team returns they must save the world from the rebellious creatures. Now, as the creatures who inhabit the spiritual realm gear-up for an all out attack on the human plane, the only one capable of saving the Earth is a tough-talking hellspawn rejected by both worlds.

Would you believe me if I told you that I never watched the first installment of the Hellboy film series, yet I understood The Golden Army perfectly? That's the beauty of it: you don't need to have watched the first Hellboy film to get what the sequel is all about. Just know that Hellboy is one heck of a big lovable guy who likes kitties and bashing demons up. Simple.

This being a Guillermo Del Toro film, I expected to see his influences throughout it: simple storyline, check. Likeable characters, people (and demons, mutants, elves) whom you feel for, check. Satisfying ending, check. I have to say, a point of interest in the film is the tragic romance between Abe Sapien, Hellboy's pal, and the elf princess Nuala. It's sad stuff, really, and you can't help but feel for Abe when she ends up killing herself to stop her brother's madness (OOPS SPOILER). Abe, being Abe, the socially inept member of Hellboy's crew, doesn't know how to react to her death and just looks...clueless. Ah, Abe.

Another great flick from the man who brought us great flicks like Pan's Labyrinth and The Orphanage, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army gets 4/5 stars.

2008-07-09T18:01:00.001+08:00

This Guillermo fella ah...only one word to describe him:

FTW.

2008-07-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

I like Pokemon, as most of you probably know by now. I'm a great big fan of the thing, and I'm not embarrassed to be caught reading Pokemon manga or playing it on my DS in public.

Who gives a hoot that I'm 20 this year, but still playing a kid's game? Helloooo, have you even played the new Pokemon games for DS? No human child could ever hope to complete it (and yes, I do mean COMPLETE the whole game, Pokedex and all) without some ADULT supervision (I mean, what kid would be able to do a Wi-Fi setup for trading Pokemon?), and the fact that the multiplayer system now utilizes Wi-Fi tech to connect with other players just shows that Pokemon ain't a game for the wee kiddies anymore; fact is, it's probably tailored to suit the tastes of young adults too, like yours truly.

The only gripe that I have about the current generation of games is the lack of land space to explore. Some of you would fondly remember the second-generation Pokemon games (Gold/Silver/Crystal), which allowed you to explore two large regions in the Pokemon world, Johto, the new region, and Kanto, the realm from the first-gen games. Now THAT was cool, aye! I remember how those second-gen games kept me occupied for many an hour, travelling the vast regions and sussing out new Pokemon. I think many people will agree with me when I say, GSC FTW!!!

Somewhere along the way, Nintendo made a big mistake when they didn't include inter-region exploration in the third-gen games (Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald), and with the exception of Emerald, which had an expanded area called the Battle Frontier for battling (duh), I found them to be BOOOOORING, and found myself fervently praying for the next generation of games to be better.

I sort of got my wish, because the current fourth generation of games is pretty decent, definitely better than Ruby/Sapphire ever was. Nicer graphics, good storyline, awesome batch of new Pokemon. BUT STILL NO INTER-REGION EXPLORATION! Dey Nintendo, what are you people doing at HQ ah?! I say, bring back Johto, Kanto and Hoenn! I tell you, if those guys actually did that, the old guard of Pokemon players would rush out in droves to get the games!

And you would probably be wondering: "And the purpose of this post is.....?"

Simple. Just promise you won't laugh.

See, I was on the train, heading for badminton this afternoon, and I was playing Pokemon on my DS. Imagine my elation when a kid got on, and in his hands was an actual, old-school GAME BOY COLOUR!!! WITH A POKEMON SILVER CARTRIDGE LOADED INSIDE!!! I almost had a fit when I saw the treasure the lad had in his hands!

And what did I do?

I offered him my DS to play with in exchange for his GBC for the duration of my journey.

OYE STOP LAUGHING OK.

2008-07-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

Aww c'mon, 'fess up...you MISSED my movie reviews right?

There are heroes. There are superheroes. And there's...HANCOCK.

John Hancock (Will Smith) is an unhappy and reluctant superhero who is living in his own world. For some unknown reason, Hancock is depressed and has started drinking very heavily. He has saved many lives in Los Angles over the years, but in doing so, he has no regards for damaging buildings, trains, roads, cars, or anything that gets in his way to get the job done. The last time he captured several criminals, it cost the city $9 million to fix the damages. The public has had enough of Hancock, and they want him to stop or go to another city. Then one day, Hancock saves the life of Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman) from being run over by a train. Ray is a PR executive who now can go home to his wife and child, because Hancock was there. Ray owes Hancock his life, and he makes it his mission to change his superhero's image and have the public cheering him.

I read a few reviews of Hancock online, and most of them claimed that this was a bad movie. You know me, never believed in word-of-mouth, so I decided to check it out for myself. I entered the cinema half-believing the reviews, but I left feeling warm and fuzzy all over.

Hancock is good stuff, methinks. Not as exceptionally good as most of Will Smith's filmography (Independence Day FTW), but it's one of those movies you just can't hate (but then again, I'm not one of those reviewers, so maybe I ain't in a position to say that). Hancock is based on the simple question of "What if a superhero lived among us...and we hated the turd for even existing?" and tries to expand from there. It's an interesting concept, and it could have worked better if the plot had been a little more fleshed out. For a superhero movie, Hancock is short of a main big baddie, unlike other movies like Spidey and Batman. What's a hero flick without a great big dick? (and by "dick," I mean villain) I think this is the only shortcoming that prevented Hancock from being better, and as a hero-flick purist, it doesn't sit too well with me and my grand delusions of a hero-vs-villain final showdown that has become a staple, no, a must of the genre. Aside from that, Hancock is a good movie to bring a (liberal, mature and funny) girl to if she's a Will Smith fan. But watch out for the bits and pieces of crude humour scattered throughout Hancock because it could scare the ladies off if they don't fulfil the criteria in the brackets above.

What? You didn't need a review? You're not watching Hancock? YOU DIDN'T MISS MY MOVIE REVIEWS WHILE I WAS GONE?

Oh cruelty!

2008-07-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

Old habits die hard, and I still do have weekly badminton sessions with my kakis. These are a bunch of new guys, whom I took under my wing a couple of months back and have constantly been playing with. There are three of them, and each person has reached a higher standard of play (or not).

The first dude, let's call him J. He's the best of the three, though he started out as the weakest. When he first came along, the guy couldn't even hold a racket properly, but look at him now; he can hold his own against the more skilled players from the original team, including me. Of course, I could make some excuse about how I haven't played for a while, yadda yadda yadda, but the truth is, THIS KID GOT BETTER THAN ANYONE EVER EXPECTED HIM TO. I'll freely admit, I've lost to him before, and luck had nothing to do with it. Just skill, plain and simple skill, with a pinch of determination, but I'm not complaining because they were good matches. Bravo to him, and I hope he keeps up the good work.

The next guy, let's call him W. Another bloke like J originally, same problems. I can't exactly say that he's improved by leaps and bounds, but he's getting there. All he needs is to master is the finer art of the sport, like tactics and coordination, and I bet he'll be a powerhouse like J. I haven't lost to him yet, but I do know that the day will come when he will outclass me just as J did, and I'm looking forward to it. Slow and steady wins the race, as they say, but please, not TOO slow.

Ah, now we come to the third guy, P. He joined as the best among the three: decent skill, fine tactics, good attitude. You'd probably expect him to be a fine ass-kicker by now, probably whupped my sorry ass more times than I could count.

Well, sorry folks, you're wrong there.

Right now, I'd place him at the bottom of the rankings among the three of them. I really don't know what happened to him along the way, though I do suspect the malicious influence of The Prince of Tennis cartoons.

Yeah you damn well read that right: The Prince of Tennis cartoons played a part in his downfall. How?

Goddammit I've never met a person who is so obsessed with the shit that he actually TRIES the nonsense moves they do on that craphole of a show on the badminton court. Ain't it painfully obvious they'll never work, not even until hell freezes over and pigs fly?

1) It's The Prince of TENNIS. I know people say that tennis and badminton have a few things in common, and these are probably the same people who think that eating grass will keep your body in great shape (yech), so I rest my case here.

2) It's The Prince of Tennis CARTOON? Helloo, CARTOON? CAR-TOOOOOON? 'Nuff said.

And yes, P has never beaten me before, and he never will, and that's not me being a prick, it's just me trying hard not to laugh whenever I see him trying to pull off some of that fancy shit when he plays and failing miserably.

SCUD SERVE GO!

2008-07-02T13:52:00.000+08:00

One of the films I managed to catch recently was The Incredible Hulk,and hell yeah I loved it like my own pet goldfish. It truly pwns the 2003 version by Ang Lee, or Lee Ang, or whatever he wants himself to be called these days.

So imagine the anticipation I felt when I got this link to a Hulk skit starring the one and only, the man himself, Ed Norton. Check this shit out and get ready to piss yourself laughing!

"WALL-E could kick your ass!"

2008-06-30T12:43:00.002+08:00

So right now the biggest mystery for all you readers who bothered to hang around the blog even after 3 months of inactivity (thanks a bunch, yes, the three of you) is...
WHERE THE HECK DID I DISAPPEAR TO?

Some speculated that I had gone already gone to NS and left the blog for dead (no such luck, I'm checking into Tekong Chalet on the 15th of September).

Some thought that I had given up blogging (close, but no cigar).

And one of you jokers actually thought I had been thrown into jail (I seriously don't want to know how you reached that conclusion).

Well here it is, from the horse's mouth himself:

I was actually working lah.

And slacking.

And training myself to cope with the withdrawal symptoms bound to crop up during my PC-less and Internet-less stay at Tekong Chalet.

OK!

And I was lazy to update. Who reads this thing anyway?

2008-06-29T13:29:00.001+08:00

So I was gone for three months. Big deal.

But I'm more or less back now, so quit yer complainin', aite?

2008-03-29T22:04:00.000+08:00

Some things are better left...unseen.

Sydney, a young, blind violinist is given the chance to see for the first time since childhood through a miraculous corneal transplant. As Sydney adjusts to a dizzying new world of colors and shapes, she is haunted by frightening visions of death itself capturing the doomed and dragging them away from the world of the living. Terrorized and on the brink of insanity, Sydney must discover whose eyes she has inherited, and what secret visions they have held.

I was pissed off the moment I stepped into the cinema and found that the entire row in front of me was occupied by a bunch of noisy punk shits. Even before the movie started, they were making stupid sounds and trying to scare each other shitless. Finally, unable to take any more of their nonsense when they didn't stop by the time the trailers started, I took a stand and hissed at them to "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND FUCKING BEHAVE THEMSELVES," (yep, exact words) following which a couple behind me began clapping and whispered their thanks. That taken care of, I settled in and prepared myself for the boring movie ahead.

Don't get me wrong: The Eye is a decent remake, compared to One Missed Call and The Grudge 2. But one thing I don't get is why Hollywood has this unhealthy fixation with remaking Asian films. When you have a good Asian horror film remade into a sucky American version, it just pisses you off, doesn't it? That's the case inpoint with The Eye. I loved the original by the Pang Brothers, because it scared me shitless when I first saw it. This remake, however, is just another boring rehashing of the same film: same plot (I don't mind), same ghosts (starting to mind), same ending (REALLY MIND).

I mean, where's the originality? I'd totally understand if the filmmakers decided to add in some stuff and take away some to give it a fresher look and the end product still ends up sucky, but here they're using the EXACT same plot elements as those in the Pangs version. Seriously, even the dialogue seems familiar. I say this honestly: I wasn't terrified whenever the ghosts appeared, because it was all so predictable, and the spooks weren't exactly...spooky.

That said, I think the beautiful Ms Jessica Alba isthe only saving grace the film has. Her incredible hotness diverts the audience's attention from the weakness ofthe script, but there's only so much she can do, and soon all we're left with is a bad remake turning flimsy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the whole film; I definitely knew what I was getting into when I bought my tickets. It's just that despite having a big name like Jessica Alba fronting it and the eccentric Tom Cruise's studio behind it, The Eye still comes out short (like Tom Cruise. LOL). I believe it could've done better and surpassed the other Asian horror film remakes Hollywood studios have been frantically churning out. Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Next on the Hollywood remake of an Asian spookfest: Shutter. Bet it's gonna suck.

2008-03-28T20:45:00.000+08:00

As far as that saying "true love knows no boundaries" goes, the dude who wrote the letter below to his girlfriend must have definitely overstepped them.

Writing a letter to plead your girlfriend to come back to you is admirable.

Writing a letter to plead your girlfriend to come back to you, and peppering it with a couple of Star Wars analogies?

UBER LEET.

2008-03-27T21:22:00.000+08:00

I'm not exactly a big fan of green tea, and I don't understand what's so great about it. My friends swig it down religiously, and they actually seem to ENJOY the taste. Well, I tried it once, choked, and swore off drinking it for the rest of my life.

So imagine my surprise when I found this article online:

7 REASONS TO DRINK GREEN TEA

The steady stream of good news about green tea is getting so hard to ignore that even java junkies are beginning to sip mugs of the deceptively delicate brew. You'd think the daily dose of disease-fighting, inflammation-squelching antioxidants--long linked with heart protection--would be enough incentive, but wait, there's more! Lots more.

CUT YOUR CANCER RISK
Several polyphenols - the potent antioxidants green tea's famous for - seem to help keep cancer cells from gaining a foothold in the body, by discouraging their growth and then squelching the creation of new blood vessels that tumors need to thrive. Study after study has found that people who regularly drink green tea reduce their risk of breast, stomach, esophagus, colon, and/or prostate cancer.

SOOTHE YOUR SKIN
Got a cut, scrape, or bite, and a little leftover green tea? Soak a cotton pad in it. The tea is a natural antiseptic that relieves itching and swelling. Try it on inflamed breakouts and blemishes, sunburns, even puffy eyelids.

PROTECT YOUR SKIN
In the lab, green tea applied directly to the skin (or consumed) helps block sun-triggered skin cancer, which is why you're seeing green tea in more and more sunscreens and moisturizers.

STEADY YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
Having healthy blood pressure - meaning below 120/80 - is one thing. Keeping it that way is quite another. But people who sip just half a cup a day are almost 50 percent less likely to wind up with hypertension than non-drinkers. Credit goes to the polyphenols again (especially one known as ECGC). They help keep blood vessels from contracting and raising blood pressure.

PROTECT YOUR MEMORY, OR YOUR MOM'S
Green tea may also keep the brain from turning fuzzy. Getting-up-there adults who drink at least two cups a day are half as likely to develop cognitive problems as those who drink less. Why? It appears that the tea's big dose of antioxidants fights the free-radical damage to brain nerves seen in Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.

STAY YOUNG
The younger and healthier your arteries are, the younger and healthier you are. So fight plaque build-up in your blood vessels, which ups the risk of heart disease and stroke, adds years to your biological age (or RealAge), and saps your energy too. How much green tea does this vital job take? About 10 ounces a day, which also deters your body from absorbing artery-clogging fat and cholesterol.

LOSE WEIGHT
Oh yeah, one more thing. Turns out that green tea speeds up your body's calorie-burning process. In the every-little-bit-counts department, this is good news!

I don't know about you, but I think I'm gonna go get me some of this stuff.

2008-03-08T18:00:00.000+08:00

The synchronization may be a little wonky, but just imagine a 5-year-old stumbling across this mashup of Elmo (as Joe Pesci), De Niro and a particularly NSFW scene from Casino — you mudderfucker, you.

Highlight: 0:06-0:11 — Pesci's F-bomb syncs perfectly with Elmo's mouth.

2008-02-25T18:26:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I don't mean to offend anyone, but the blogs I read, those belonging to friends, are getting seriously boring. Wouldn't you be bored, reading about everything that the blogger did on that day? Example (note that the following excerpts are taken from actual blogs):

"I went to Orchard today with my friends. We went to Kinokuniya to buy some books, after which we headed down to Cineleisure for lunch. After lunch, we walked around some more and I bought Linkin Park's new CD....BLAH BLAH BLAH (the blogger goes on to detail the next ten things that he does in the next 10 minutes. I say: WHAT THE FUCK.)"

Or, the blogger is so obsessed with his/her significant other, he/she keeps blogging about him/her:

"Met with darling today...BLAH BLAH... Went for a movie with her and she enjoyed my company...I love you darling... BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

Another example:

"The Boyfriend and I had a nice long chat on the phone this afternoon... BLAH BLAH BLAH..."

Ok whatever. Here's the lowdown on what makes a blog suck balls:

1) The blogger just blogs about his daily life, which wouldn't be so bad if it was styled like a Quentin Tarantino film, but too bad, HIS LIFE IS A BORE.

2) The blogger tends to blog about his other half, which is acceptable once in a while, BUT HE DOES IT EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY.

3) The blogger knows that no one is reading his blog, so he tags to himself. LOSER.

4) The blog has more ads than posts.In that case, he doesn't need a blog; he needs the Classifieds.

5) The blog's colour scheme hurts the eyes and gives readers nightmares; that more or less solves the problem of why it has sucky readership.

6) Poor grammar. Need I say more? Readers want to READ your damn blog, not DECIPHER your lousy grammar.

7)The blogger updates once in a blue moon (literally). Dude, if that's the case, stop wasting IP address space and just get a damn diary, ok?

8) When faced with hate taggers, the blogger either leaves them to their own designs, or simply stands on moral high ground and states that they are wasting their own time tagging him, because it's HIS blog, not THEIRS, and he's damn well entitled to post whatever he likes. Advice: GROW A FUCKING SPINE.

9) The blogger just LOOOOOOVES to put transcripts of MSN conversations. Note to blogger: WE DON'T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER DUMB STUFF YOU AND YOUR "BESTIE," "BFF," OR "PALLY" TALKED ABOUT ON MSN.

10) The blogger posts something that's like, 5 FUCKING WORDS long about something, and calls that a post. Note, again: FAILED ENGLISH,MUCH?

Ok, there you go. 10 things that make a blog suck. How many of them are you guilty of? 1? 2? 5? It's not too late to change; we'll makea REAL blogger out of you yet.

10? Well then, do IPv4 a favour and stop blogging. We desperately need the IP address space.

2008-02-24T18:13:00.000+08:00

STAR WARS ACCORDING TO A 3-YEAR-OLD

The title says it all.So cuuuuuuute!!!

2008-02-23T20:00:00.000+08:00

I have a monster crush on you,
A super-dinosaur!
It sits upon my chest and throat
And yet I beg for more.

When you're away I miss you so
My heart is full of sand.
Yet when you're here my stupid fear
Won't let me touch your hand.

I cannot sleep, I cannot eat,
I'm so wrapped up in you.
My thoughts drift up, away from words,
And fade into the blue.

I know this crush is not your fault;
The dinosaur is mine.
Yet if you could, please rescue me,
And put your arms around me, and hold me, and say
That you love me, and Oh! Would that be good!

2008-02-22T20:33:00.001+08:00

A comedy about growing up... and the bumps along the way.

Sixteen year-old Juno MacGuff is the type of girl that beats to her own drummer, and doesn't really care what others may think of her. She learns that she's pregnant from a one-time sexual encounter with her best friend, Paulie Bleeker. Juno and Paulie like each other, but don't consider themselves to be exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend let alone be ready to be a family complete with child. Although she would rather not be pregnant, Juno is fairly pragmatic about her situation. The film follows Juno's trials and tribulations as she struggles to adapt to become a young mother, all the while knowing that she'll have to give up her baby for adoption to the Lorings, a seemingly perfect but dysfunctional suburban couple.

You know what? This film ain't half bad! Considering the fact it was written by a former stripper (Diablo Cody, real name Brook Busey-Hunt), Juno is a refreshing look at the problems an unwed mother faces: stigma, parental disapproval, and yes, morning sickness. Ellen Page is just FANTASTIC as Juno, our young heroine. She plays the part with much flair, being the nonchalant teen and the vulnerable soon-to-be-mother all in one breath, and I can't help but like it. Her character's also very likeable, and you can't help sympathizing with her plight.

Michael Cera (Evan from Superbad, another awesome teen movie) also puts in a good performance as Paulie Bleeker, the lucky guy who gets to bang Juno and knocks her up. He channels his inner nerd so well, you'd think he was chanelling his inner McLovin (HAHA!). He's a quirky chracter too, what with his obsession with running and his weakness for orange Tic-Tacs. Simply adorable!

A great movie, and a nice date movie. What else can I say? You gotta watch it to appreciate it! (Rating: 4.5/5 stars)

2008-02-20T17:00:00.000+08:00

Anywhere is possible.

A genetic anomaly allows a young man to teleport himself anywhere. He discovers this gift has existed for centuries and finds himself in a war that has been raging for thousands of years between "Jumpers" and those who have sworn to kill them.

Frankly speaking, the only things worth seeing in this film are (in order of importance):

1) Annasophia Robb, who plays a young Millie; I didn't know 14-year-olds could be so hot
2) The SFX; I just loooooove it when they Jump
3) Samuel L Jackson as Roland Cox, the main protagonist of the film

That said, I think it would be safe (and necessary) to say that Jumper is a waste of time, money, and energy. You have been warned. Rating: 2.5/5 stars (1 star for (1), 1 more for (2), and half a star for (3). It's sad when a self-proclaimed "bad motherfucker" like Samuel L Jackson gets upstaged by a 14-year-old)

2008-02-19T20:51:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning at 8am....

And realized that I had to be at the office by 8.30!!!!

What followed was a frantic rush to bathe, eat breakfast and haul butt outta my house and make my way across the treacherous landscape of Sembawang, traversing the dangerous roads that were crammed with iron engines of sheer doom and destruction!!!

(Basically that's just a flowery way to say that I woke up late, stuffed my face with breakfast and almost got my ass sideswiped by some dumb driver who thought he was Speed Racer and tried to beat a red light.)

So I get to work, late, obviously, and look for my supervisor to explain why I'm a sweating mass of flesh, but she isn't in the office. I kick back in my comfy ol' chair, whom I haven't seen in 72 hours, and I spend the next 20 minutes randomly surfing the Internet. My supervisor comes in not long after and ACTUALLY TELLS ME TO SIT BACK AND RELAX AND DO WHATEVER I WANT FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS.

Why?

Apparently, I was supposed to go to the office today and follow her out to a few schools to do a product demonstration for a photo kiosk of ours, BUT at the last minute she had to cancel all the morning appointments because a company meeting had been called at the last minute. In other words, I rushed down for nothing. Yippee.

I spend the next 3 hours until lunch watching The Batman on Veoh. Hah.

2008-02-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

Never forget. Never forgive.

After hard years in exile for a crime he didn't commit, Benjamin Barker now Sweeney Todd, returns to London to find his wife dead and his daughter in the hands of the evil Judge Turpin. In his anger, Sweeney goes on a murderous rampage on all London, with the help of Mrs. Lovett, he opens a barber shop in which he lures his victims in with a charming smile before casually ending their life with a flick of his razor across their neck. But not one man killed, nor ten thousands men can satisfy Sweeney's lust for revenge on those who've caused his years of pain.

Yes, I finally got around to watching this, and I have to say, this movie is wicked shit. I didn't know Johnny Depp could sing so well!

Plot-wise, Sweeney Todd is a bit cliched: the age-old story of a man's quest for vengeance after being sent away for a crime he didn't commit is an oft-repeated tale. But Sweeney Todd puts a whole new spin on it by being a musical (honestly, when you think of the word revenge, music isn't the first thing that comes to your mind), and also the innovative way the titular character dispenses his warped justice: a smile, a song, and finally a slash across the throat with his silver razors. Sure beats the ol' smackdown that wronged individuals favour, no?

The blood flows in copious amounts, and the kill scenes hit you hard and fast; I, for one, wasn't expecting Sweeney's first kill with his trademark razors. The way the guy was singing, you'd think he'd just give the poor victim a shave and send him on his way. But noooooo, with one deft flick of his wrist, it's lights out for the hapless customer, who ends up being filling for Sweeney's landlady's (Mrs Lovett, played with aplomb by Helena Bonham-Carter) meat pies. YUM.

All in all, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is top notch stuff. Whoever thought a musical about a psychotic, murderous barber would be so entertaining? For giving me the willies and a phobia of going for a haircut, it gets 4/5 stars!

2008-02-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

The irony of this photo is that it was snapped at an airport. LOL.

2008-02-16T18:59:00.001+08:00

I love Coca-Cola. I think I've probably tasted more or less all the flavours they have, regional and international (Coca-Cola Orange anyone?). So imagine my horror when I came across this article online, about 12 things you can do with Coke:

Coca Cola (the real one) is not only great to drink, it also has many uses around the home.

This list of uses was tested on ordinary, original Coca Cola, not the diet kind, or any of the variations there are available.

1. Cleaned a burned saucepan by pouring Coke into it and boiling. This takes out all the staining.
2. It’s easy to make a modern photograph look like an old sepia one. Just lightly brush the photograph with Coca Cola and dry quickly. Don’t wet it too much or it will buckle. Photocopied black and white pictures make great looking “antique” prints, if you treat them in the same way. Maps photocopied and treated this way, look fantastic in antique style frames.
3. If you dye your hair and the result is too intense, flat Coca Cola will help to lighten it.
4. Give old coins a soak in Coke. This gives a brilliant shine for collections and decorative items.
5. Pour Coca Cola into your kettle and leave all day. This will remove limescale and leaves it clean inside.
6. A can of Coke poured into the toilet will clean it. The acid in the drink gets to work right away.
7. Make an excellent barbecue sauce by mixing Coke and Ketchup , half and half. Coat chicken, meat, etc with this before cooking. It’s mouthwatering.
8. Flat Coke makes a good hair conditioner. Pour it over your hair, rinse and dry.
9. Put Coke into flat wide dishes in the garden and it will help to rid your plants of slugs. They are attracted by the sweet smell and once they fall in, they can’t get out.
10. Rusty bolts can be loosened by soaking a rag in Coca Cola, and wrapping it around the bolt. Leave for a few hours and it will be easier to move.
11. Clean your jewelery in a glass of Coke. Brush with a toothbrush and rinse well. (Not recommended for valuable items, or those with gem stones in them.)
12. Flat Coca Cola helps to settle upset stomachs. Don’t use fresh, fizzy Coke as this could irritate the condition. (Take the fizz out by adding a little sugar, if you need to.)

WTF? More than half of Coke's alternative uses are to CLEAN STUFF like rust and toilet bowls?! OMFGWTF WHAT HAVE I BEEN GUZZLING?!!!

2008-02-15T17:46:00.000+08:00

FINAL DAY OF IAP WOOTS!!!!

YESSAH.

After 64 days of being an intern at DSC, I'm finally gonna be free!!!

Just one snag: I've been asked to stay on for a week more, BUT, I won't be required to report to the office, since I'll just be accompanying my supervisor to product demonstrations. It'll be like a play-play job, nothing serious. I won't be graded, but I will be PAID muahahaha.

It's been a long 65 days, that much I'll say. Even though there was another intern from NYP here, she is a total loser and a flirt, and I would've been all by my lonesome if not for the friendly staff at DSC. They made the effort to befriend me and include me in their activities, and for that I'm grateful. I've made a whole bunch of friends here, and I'll treasure these guys as much as I do the pals I made during FYP. Really, I wouldn't mind working here because it's a relatively-quiet environment, but I wouldn't want to be doing the things I did here as an intern (going to NUS to buy lunch for the staff? Fun, but not exciting). I'll definitely miss this place.

But one thing I won't miss is Angela, the good-for-nothing NYP intern, flirt and bum all rolled into one. I don't know how she's survived her three years of polytechnic education, but if she kissed ass as much as she did here, that'll explain quite a lot. I somehow often end up picking up her slack and doing jobs that she's supposed to be doing. I don't mind, really, but it infuriates me to imagine what the other staff will be thinking about the quality of NYP students. She's lazy and wastes company resources: printing sheets upon sheets of nonsense to pass around, surfing the Internet with the company laptop that we use for card-printing and incessantly talking on the phone when she's supposed to be doing work. Her cronies are just as bad, if not worse.

Yup, I sure as hell won't miss HER when I'm hauling butt outta here.

Goodbye, DSC; I'll miss you guys. Keep in touch, okay?

Goodbye, Angela; AND GOOD RIDDANCE. I HOPE I NEVER FUCKING SEE YOU AGAIN.

Smell ya.

2008-02-14T17:00:00.001+08:00

IAP Day 64

Be my Valentine, for I
Each day have thought of you.
My whole life couldn't manage what
Your ready smile can do,
Vanquishing my loneliness
As though all light were new.
Let me be your Valentine
Even as you're mine,
Needing what I have to give
That each might each define
In friendship and in harmony,
Now you, now I the melody,
Each helping each to shine.

(Take the first letters of each first word in every line, and whaddya get?)

And here's one for all my fellow geeks and nerds out there, who are spending Valentine's Day all by their lonesome. This one's for you, brothers!

UBER LEET.

2008-02-13T10:30:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 63

I know you guys have probably seen this before: it's the trailer for The Dark Knight.

And this...this is also the trailer for The Dark Knight. WITH LEGO.

My take on the Lego trailer?

PURE GENIUS.

2008-02-12T16:09:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 62

2008-02-11T15:51:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 61

In what seems to be the most ridiculous impulse-buying spree I've ever gone on, I got the following stuff after lunch at Queensway Shopping Centre:

1) A new tennis racket (which I don't need badly; I rarely play tennis nowadays)
2) An Adidas tee (very obviously I don't need this; I've got plenty at home)
3) A tube of new shuttlecocks (WTF for? I've got a couple more at home!!!)
4) A McSpicy (I JUST HAD LUNCH!!!)

And on top of that, I lent Simon 15 bucks to buy a shirt he was desperately in love with. Those who know me must be choking right now BECAUSE I DON'T LEND PEOPLE MONEY. PERIOD. After the cash left my wallet, I felt light-headed...pleased even.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEE????!!!!!

2008-02-07T09:41:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all my readers! May the Year of the Rat bring all of you good fortune and prosperity; of course, the fact that Valentine's Day is 7 days away should more or less perk you up, no?

"Cheese-eating rat bastards..." - Rats, in the words of Jack Nicholson's Frank Costello in The Departed

2008-02-06T10:34:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 58

Wah boring man. CNY eve, and guess how many people are in the office now?

THREE.

2008-02-05T16:56:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 57

I came across this trailer on Ain't It Cool News, and I gotta admit, it looks nice! Watch it, and listen to the thinly-veiled threat that Liam "Qui-Gon" Neeson delivers to his daughter's kidnappers somewhere towards the end of the trailer. If I were them, I'd be pissing my pants silly!

2008-02-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 56

I must accept but can't what cannot be.
I see you and my heart dissolves in pain.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.

What happened to our love's a mystery.
I rummage through our empty past in vain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be:

That someone else now shares your off-hand "we,"
Now feels your tender tongue all feeling drain.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.

I cannot lay aside my agony:
Again, again I play the same refrain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be.

And yet I know this tortured ecstasy
Is just my way of holding you again.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me,

And still I cannot bear to set you free,
That of our love some remnant might remain.
I must accept but can't what cannot be.
You are not dead, but you are dead to me.

2008-02-02T16:07:00.000+08:00

I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but it sure is funny! Click on the image to see the GIF moving graphic!

Go go Power Rangers and crazy Red Ranger!!!

2008-02-01T14:52:00.000+08:00

IAP day 50

I am bloody bloody pissed off today ok!

There I was, little ol' me, minding my own business and walking on the pavement that leads to my workplace after a hearty lunch...and suddenly, SWOOOOOOOSHHHHH!!!!

Some fucker's BMW whizzed past, probably doing 80km/h (in the fucking rain!!!), leaving me to eat its dust, or in this case, drinking its water. IT FUCKING THREW A TSUNAMI OF DIRTY WATER ONTO ME!!! ARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

And now, I'm sitting in the cold, cold office with wet and waterlogged jeans, and I am fucking freezing to death, even my...you know....

COLD!

2008-01-31T16:06:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 49

Maybe you've already known about this, but I just discovered the Internet phenomenon affectionately known as the LOLCAT.

What's a lolcat, you ask? For the uninitiated, a lolcat is basically a photo of a cat in a cute/humourous/snap-worthy position, accompanied by an apt caption which, in most cases, elicits a laugh or two from the viewer. These captions are more often than not misspelt to make the photo appear cuter; words that are frequently spelled wrongly are the following:

1) the (spelled as "teh")
2) has/have (spelled as "haz")
3) is (spelled as "iz")
4) kitten (spelled as "kitteh")

Here are a few examples of lolcat photos:

2008-01-30T16:52:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 48

2008-01-29T15:49:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 47

Ok, seriously, this guy PWNS man! Successfully stealing Pokemon from the Battle Factory is the stuff of legends!

2008-01-28T16:16:00.001+08:00

IAP Day 46

I am seriously starting to hate certain individuals in my company. Note that I used the word "hate," which, as far as I'm concerned, is stronger than dislike. I would love to name them, and maybe I will after I've finished my internship here.

I'm not saying that I don't like working at the company; truth is, I love it here. But it's just that some people (ok, make that three people only) have gotten on my nerves since I started working here. And I'm not talking about the big bosses here, I'm talking about a fellow intern and underlings. In other words, SMALL FRY.

I don't get it. Why do they have to act as if they're big-shots? They aren't anyway. Are they just living out some childish fantasy of theirs? If that's the case, they shouldn't be working here; they should be working at some preschool and fooling around with the kiddies there. I'm sure they'd be a hit.

Top of my list is the intern. She's from NYP too, and I seriously do not want to believe that it churned out a specimen like her. She's immature, a flirt, and can actually make a couple of the men of this company submit to her will by batting an eyelid. I didn't know they taught that at NYP, seriously. She's 22, and she acts like a 10-year-old. No, I take that back, because to say that I'd be insulting 10-year-olds everywhere. She should just GROW UP and face reality. No, not virtual reality.

Next up is this geek from the programming team, and one of the men of the company who is probably under the sway of the abovementioned intern. He sits in front of me, and we've only probably said less than 10 words to each other since I joined the company. Why do I hate him? Well, for one, he makes dumb, lame and pathetic jokes that no one laughs at except himself. If you know me well, you'll know that I'm a big goof, and I crack jokes like an Uzi fires bullets: fast, furious and relentless. Isn't that what a joke supposed to be? A quick-witted response to something that just occurred or had been said? I think of myself as an intelligent humourist, someone who makes jokes that contain references to the things and people around me, but whatever it is, my jokes are funny, and people like them. It's an old adage among jokers that if someone doesn't laugh at a joke the first time, don't tell it to them again. Geekstuff here breaks that rule on a minute-ly basis.

Another reason why I dislike this guy is because of his history with the company:

1) Joins after serving NS, works for a year here
2) After the year is up, quits, and joins another company where he used to work at
3) Finds out that his junior is now in charge of his division, most likely peeved by this fact, quits that company
4) Rejoins this company

Like WTF. If your dad owned this place I wouldn't mind. Fact of the matter is, he doesn't, so why the fuck are you job-hopping back and forth? What, you think you're better than your junior? You deserve his current job? Well, if you're so hard-pressed for it, do something about it, fight for it, I don't know, and I don't care. Instead, you came running back to us like a big weenie-fucker.And what surprises me is that he got reinstated back into his old job as a senior programmer in charge of a development team. On this I have no comments. Now that he's back, he's ruling his team with an iron fist, imperious and overbearing like he's some uber hotshot. And he's probably enjoying his life for now, because he appears to be the abovementioned intern's favourite touching-bag: she likes to touch him here, there, everywhere, and I think it turns Geekstuff on or something. Yeah, whatever gets your rocks off man.

Finally there's this staff from sales who sits next to me. She's very friendly to me, and we playfully tease each other regularly. You must be wondering why I hate her (ok, maybe this one I just say dislike), and the reason is this: she is the QUEEN OF THE COMPLAINT QUEENS. She complains about everything under the sun, including the sun. And she also keeps whining about how we should take cabs whenever we go for lunch outside. I know money grows on trees, but there's such a season as fall, you know (that, my friends, was one of my intelligent jokes). Either you come with us and we take a damn bus, or you eat alone. It's an easy choice to make, and if I was hungry enough I'd just eat alone. I mean, it's not mandatory for you to follow us, neither is it compulsory for us to eat in a group. I've made it a point to eat alone if my lunch kakis are going somewhere that I don't find reasonable in terms of distance for lunch, and to be honest, lunch by my lonesome is far better than lunch with them when the previous two individuals mentioned above are present.

So with that, I conclude my list of Riyan's Most Hated. Maybe I'll drop some names on the 60th, and final, day of my internship here, but nothing else before that.

I don't want to get my ass fired when I'm so close to finishing my IAP, you know?

2008-01-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

Another Cloverfield-related post, if you guys don't mind.

I still don't get why people are saying it sucks. Do any of you detracting cretins know how popular this movie is back in the States? It's gotten rave reviews from top-notch film reviewers like Roger Ebert, who describes it as "an effective film, deploying its special effects well and never breaking the illusion that it is all happening as we see it." Roger Ebert is a legend among film reviewers, and if he says it's nice, it's nice. Period.

Also, Cloverfield grossed a total of $16 930 000 on its opening day alone in the US and Canada; it made $41,000,000 on its opening weekend, making it the most successful January release gross of all time. Worldwide, it has grossed $56 million. As of January 19, 2008, review aggregate website Rotten Tomatoes reported that 76% of critics gave the film positive write-ups, based on 117 reviews. According to Metacritic, the film has received an average critic score of 64%, based on 35 reviews (source: Wikipedia).

DO YOU IDIOTS KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

It means Cloverfield PWNS BIG-TIME. It means that American moviegoers LIKE IT, and have shelled out tons of cash to watch it, some probably repeatedly.

And now, look at what happened when Cloverfield came to Singapore. Idiots, fools and cretins who probably didn't do their homework on the movie's premise flocked to cinemas to find out what the hype was all about. Many came out sick, whined about getting motion sickness and feeling giddy from all the erratic camerawork and told their friends not to watch it. Maybe some of their friends believed them, and stayed away from the movie. These people have no idea what they're missing out on. They have no frickin' idea that they just snubbed a MASTERPIECE. Soon word gets around and more and more people are avoiding Cloverfield like the plague, except for maybe a handful of dedicated and objective moviegoers who want to see what Cloverfield is really about and not listen to the nonsense their friends are spouting. They've also most likely gone online, and checked out reviews of Cloverfield on reliable and trustworthy film websites like Ain't It Cool News and the Internet Movie Database. I take my hat off to these people, because they are what the film industry needs: individuals who are not influenced by word-of-mouth accounts passed from individual to individual, and who are objective in their views. They see it for themselves to believe it, and this is what being a moviegoer is all about.

Comparing the difference in the receptions to Cloverfield between viewers in the US to those in Singapore, I can only reach this one sad conclusion:

Singaporean moviegoers lack the maturity to look into the depth of good films. They can only see what's on the screen, and not grasp the allusions and parallels to real life which the filmmakers have spread out for all to see. It's sad, but it's true.

Those of you who are in two minds about going to watch Cloverfield due to the mixed reviews you got from your friends, I strongly suggest that you just go see it for yourself, and decide which side of the fence you stand on after that. If any of you reading this are offended, I'm sorry, but you're the ones who started this unnecessary Cloverfield debate.

And I have ended it, hopefully for good.

2008-01-26T17:46:00.000+08:00

Something has found us.

Five young New Yorkers throw their friend a going-away party the night that a monster the size of a skyscraper descends upon the city. Told from the point of view of their video camera, the film is a document of their attempt to survive the most surreal, horrifying event of their lives.

If you have never heard of this movie, jump down. No, seriously. January is usually a slow month for the film industry, because all the good stuff comes out in summer. But Cloverfield....if all January movies were of this standard, I'd be a daily moviegoer.

Hype for Cloverfield was built up thanks to the online viral marketing campaiign the studio started a couple of months back. Websites with links to the Cloverfield phenomenon started popping up like like pimples, and I'm proud to say I've been to every single one of them and appreciated what I've seen. I mean, it takes a lot of time and effort to keep a campaign like this up, and I take my hat off to the people behind it. Even if the movie had sucked, the viral marketing campaign was a success.

But let me tell you this:

THE MOVIE DID NOT SUCK. IT PWNED.

The first few minutes were kinda slow, as they were introducing us to the main characters of the movie. There's Rob, abovementioned dude going overseas for a new job, Beth, the love of his life whom he doesn't have the balls to profess his love for, Jason, Rob's brother, Lily, Jason's girlfriend, Marlena, some random friend of the group's who sticks around them, and Hud, the funny, lovable best friend everybody would love to have.

So they're partying, and Hud's recording goodbyes for Rob from the guests at the party, and all of a sudden, WHAM!!! A loud explosion rocks the entire city to its core, and everyone goes out to see what's happening. And this is where the good stuff starts. From this point on, Cloverfield ups the intensity a few notches. No, make that TEN notches. It's a desperate rush to get out of the city as the monster (whom people have taken to calling Clover) goes on a mad rampage throughout Manhattan, stomping on everything she sets her sights on. The lack of music to give you an inkling of any in-your-face parts coming round the bend makes it all the more fun. That's the great thing about this movie: you don't know what's coming until it smacks you hard in your balls.

Cloverfield is awesome. People die, buildings get demolished with a single sweep of Clover's tail, and the best part is, you don't get to see Clover in her full glory until towards the end of the movie. Sure, you see a brief flash of her tail here, a from-the-bottom-up but shaky view of Clover, but that's about all you get to see for most of the film...until about 10 minutes from the end of the film, where you get to see Clover in all her glory. ABSOLUTELY SWEEEEEEEEET.

I know people are whining about how the handheld camera perspective makes them dizzy. I know people are whining about how you don't get to see the monster until the end. And people are whining about the film's open-for-debate ending. I tell these people, stop complaining and appreciate what you see. If you didn't know that the cinematography was that shaky, you're a dumbass for not doing your research. If you don't like waiting so long just to see the damn monster, please stay home and watch cartoons. If you hate the ending, I suggest you shell out a few grand and MAKE YOUR BLOODY OWN. Cloverfield is what good cinema is all about: a simple concept that actually works well, intensity that makes you wanna shit your pants, and a cast of characters that you feel for. I'll tell you this honestly: I was nibbling on my thumbnail when the good stuff started, and I was sucking on it happily by the time the credits rolled. I have never, NEVER done that before in my entire life. For me, it was the culmination of having a good production team, a good cast, and a great marketing campaign. It was an orgasmic moment of perfect bliss, moments that most films nowadays fail to bring about. You idiots just don't know how to appreciate it, and I feel very, very sorry for you for lacking the maturity and intelligence to give this good film a chance.

I'm going out on a limb here, but I predict that it'll be a cult classic further down the road. To the team behind Cloverfield, congratulations on a job well done.

Rating: 5/5 stars

2008-01-25T16:36:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 45

For you the Earth must be a greener green;
Orange buds must burst with greater glory;
Rivers must be pure, light full of grace,
Time unfold a more enchanting story;
Years must shape a spirit more serene.

To you the birds must sing with more delight;
Hyacinths must pour forth sweeter scent;
Rain must wear more gently, storms retrace
Each devastated path, and harm repent,
Each turbulence turn calm, and sorrow right.

2008-01-24T17:07:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 44

Quite a misleading heading, because I didn't go to work today. I, being the brave, daring, and not to mention dashing, rogue that I was, decided that enough was enough and boycotted work!

Riiiiiiigggghhhhtttt.

Actually I went for my NS medical checkup today, and boy was it a total BORE. I got poked and prodded in more places than I could count, and the Vocational Assessment Test was a total washout. I barely knew what I was doing! And if the results of that test will determine which army vocation my ass will end up in, I have this strong feeling I'll be in the platoon for the mentally-challenged.

Whut.

2008-01-23T10:30:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 43

Imagine my shock, surprise and sorrow when I was surfing the Net this morning and read the unbelievable news that Heath Ledger had been found dead in a SoHo apartment in NYC.

Now, if you haven't heard of Heath Ledger, you probably need to crawl out of the stone you're living in and go out more often, and those of you who have heard of him probably remember him as the gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. Me, I know him as the man who will redefine the character of The Joker in this year's highly-anticipated Batman sequel, The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger has also acted in movies like A Knight's Tale (which I found decent enough) and The Patriot (alongside Mel Gibson).

I was sincerely hoping that the news wasn't true. It's the same when you're reading about any death: you just hope it ain't fucking true. Like the time WWE's Chris Benoit died, I was in a bit of denial. Come on, this is Heath Ledger we're talking about, a young man who has just started to make his mark in the film industry. It's just not fair that his life was taken away from him just as he was reaching the peak of his career. Initially the news seemed like a cruel joke, like one of those stupid faux news stories you hear from time to time about how so-and-so celebrity has died, OD'd on some crack, the works. But this is true. THIS IS FUCKING TRUE. Stop the presses, and give this man the coverage that he deserves, for he truly was an actor of our time.

His death is made sadder by the fact that he's got a young 2-year-old daughter who'll never see her daddy again, whose daddy will never get to see her grow up into a fine young lady, and who will probably not understand what her daddy's death means because she's just too young to know all this. No one should have to go through this at her age.

This is fucking unfair. Why did he have to go at the prime of his life and his career? Why did he have to leave his daughter behind, a daughter who will need a father's love as she grows? I don't know, and I probably never will. But for the record, I'll just say this: Heath Ledger was a fine actor, and despite whatever bad press that tarnished his image and his reputation, he was a good man, and was just doing what any of us would when backed into a corner.

Rest in peace, Heath Ledger.

2008-01-22T17:47:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 42

Those of you doing presentations, take note:

2008-01-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 41

Go to GameFudge.com and try this game!

It's called Staggy, and you play the role of some black-armoured knight who has to kill the Scouts who are breaching the sanctuary of his forest! Damn fun sia!!!

2008-01-19T17:04:00.000+08:00

I went to the E-Centre@Redhill today to get me some games for my Nintendo DS (yes, I think I'm outgrowing my unhealthy obsession with Pokemon), and the place wasn't as crowded as the last time I trust me, it was a hard choice to make, hat with the was there. There was some dad with a couple of his kids, and they were looking at some PSP games.

So I went up to the counter, and had a look-see at the stuff they had on offer, and I finally settled for Transformers: Decepticons (trust me, it was a tough choice to make, what with all those different games on display), and was paying for it, when the Pokemaniac in me suddenly blurted out, "By any chance, do you have any stock for Pokemon Ranger and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon?"

At that, the dad and his kids turned to look at me, and the kid murmured "Daddy, kor-kor so old still play Pokemon leh. Why like that one?" and the dad looked stunned that the kid had actually said that.

Trying to lighten the mood (or maybe I was just being defensive), I said, "Hey little dude, Pokemon rocks ok. I've been playing it since I was your age when I got my very first Game Boy you know? It's very fun leh!"

Then his little sister said, "Yah Pokemon is nice! I like to play one...I like Jigglypuff!"

"Jigglypuff is cute! I like also!" I told her.

And as the conversation was going on, their dad looked more stunned than ever that hisyoung kids and a 19-year-old were talking about Pokemon like old friends.

Sorry daddy-o, but I think I can relate to your kids better than you do! LOL.

2008-01-18T16:55:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 40

Simon and I went to Moberly Hall at SP today to troubleshoot some problems they were having with the photo kiosks that they got from DSC. Now, I know that I used to sing praises about Moberly a few posts back, but truth be told, I'm getting a tad sick and tired of going to the same place over and over and over again to resolve problems which do not affect DSC products at our end.

The last time I went there was to collect a supposedly defective photo kiosk. Imagine how pissed off I was when I brought it back to the company and found that IT WAS WORKING PERFECTLY FINE. I wasted half a day there trying to figure out what was wrong, and it turns out that it wasn't fucked. Sheesh.

Word of advice to the dudes at the Moberly cybercafe: next time, try to fix it yourself before you start calling in the big guns, ok?

2008-01-17T16:40:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 39

I was searching the Net for one song, and I came across another. And I like it. =)

Yellowcard - Empty Apartment

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go
Learn a lesson
It's not me
You're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life
What's it like there
Is it all what you want it to be
Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you love me you'd say it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder
The more that you know

When you get lonely
If no one's around you know that I'll catch you when you're falling down

We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own

Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday
If ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay

2008-01-16T16:39:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 38

The dude who owns this truck must be uber-honest to put this on the back LOL:

2008-01-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 37

Two room-mates had taken to pulling crude pranks on each other in the dorm. It happened that one lazy Sunday afternoon one of them had gone down the hall from his room to take a shower. His fellow room-mate was in the room studying when there was a knock on the door, and the showering room-mates father, who had driven down for a visit, came in bringing the girlfriend and mother of the showerer. The folks were invited into the room, and they commenced to chat with the showerer's room-mate. The lad was so taken with the showerer's girlfriend that he did not bother to go and inform him that his parents and girlfriend had dropped by for a visit, and assumed that the showerer would return soon - which he did.

He kicked the dorm room door open, barged in and whipped off the towel which was wrapped around his waist, then gripped his penis and screamed, "BANG BANG! YOU'RE DEAD!!!" - taken from Snopes

2008-01-14T19:56:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 36

I left the office early today to go for my long-overdue NAPFA test, with the absolute intention of getting it over and done with, with no regard for the outcome (I'm mentally preparing myself for the inevitable fact that I'll be enlisted earlier to undergo physical training before BMT). So I took 166 from my workplace to Thomson to meet Jerry and Nick for lunch at The Prata House, and I ended up going on a roundabout journey from Buona Vista to Harbour Front to Mount Faber to Novena to Toa Payoh before I got to Thomson WTF. I survived the long bus journey and after lunch hauled ass to NYP to meet up with Jarryd and Tony, who were also taking the test.

Ok, to be honest, it's been a damn bloody long time since I last did any proper exercise, and by PROPER, I mean jogging/running/push-ups/pull-ups. Badminton doesn't count ok? I was mildly surprised to see girls attending the NAPFA test, because they're not actually required to, so if I were in their shoes I wouldn't even be there. And fortunately for me, the testers weren't the uber-fit dudes who did NAPFA training with us a couple months back during FYP, because I wasn't looking forward to seeing any familiar faces.

So the test began with sit-ups, which I passed easily enough (I DID NOT ASK MY PARTNER TO COUNT IN MULTIPLES OF 2 OK). Then came the bad part: PULL-UPS. I FRICKIN HATE PULL-UPS, and not surprisingly, I flunked the station. The standing broad jump was next, and I aced this too, followed by shuttle run, and finally with the sit-and-reach. YES I PASSED EVERYTHING EXCEPT PULL-UPS WTF, and the 2.4km run was called off due to the rain. And the best thing was, I wasn't even sweating (and trust me, I sweat easily, and a lot). So you know what the cancellation of the 2.4km run means?

Either:
a) I have to take another day of leave to go back to school to get JUST the damn 2.4km run over and done with (and I think I'll fail, hands down), OR
b) I don't turn up, automatically fail, and save on the train and bus fare

Hmmmmmmm.

2008-01-12T20:53:00.000+08:00

Seriously, whoever designed this ride was either very free, or a paedophile in the making.

Egads! What the fuck are you doing to the child, Donald?!

2008-01-11T16:40:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 35

Arnold "Gubernator" Schwarzenegger rocks my socks big time. I love the big guy, and the movies he's headlined in his illustrious career. But then again, he's had some bad roles. Take his part as Mr Freeze in Batman and Robin, for example. How can you not hate the guy who spouts lines as cheesy as these?

"Ice to see you!"
"You're not sending me to the cooler!"
"I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."
"Tonight, hell freezes over!"
"What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"
"In this universe, there's only one absolute ... everything freezes!"
"Cool party!"
"If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!"
"Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom."
"Let's kick some ice!"
"Caution. Bridge may ice over."
"Always winterize your pipes."
"Not so fast. Time you cooled your heels."
"Alright, everyone, chill!"
"Cops on the rocks, anyone?"
"Bat on ice, anyone?"
"We aim to ... Freeze."
"I wonder how cold I can get my shower ... Frosty!"
"You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone."
"Tonight's forecast ... a freeze is coming!"
"Nothing frustrates a man like a frigid wife."

Sheesh.

2008-01-10T16:20:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 34

Ok, my lunch buddies weren't in today, so I had to go out for lunch on my own and survive somehow. So I decided to take a joyride on the first bus that came to the bus-stop, and I hopped onto 74 15 minutes later.

Now, I've never actually gone on a bus joyride alone before, because let's face it, ain't it more fun to get lost to get lost with your pals? And as the bus zoomed around unfamiliar territory, I missed by travelling buddies. Yeah, sentimental ol' me.

Anyway, I ended up at Singapore Polytechnic, and was debating whether to get off and sample some of their grub, but I decided against it, because let's face it again, ain't it more fun to eat with your buddies? And then I began missing all my lunch buddies, from FYP to IAP. So I stayed on the bus and it chugged on, all the way to SIM.

Then finally I spotted some shopping centre with a McDonald's, and by then I was starving, so I got off and had lunch all by my lonesome. I ate my meal in silence, and scooted off 20 minutes later.

I trudged to the bus stop nearby, and waited for 74 to take me back to Buona Vista. And lo and behold, the bus-stop was jam-packed with MGS girls milling about, chatting, and doing their homework WTF.

And that was when I realized I was destined to go on this lunch trip alone.

Because let's face it, ain't it more fun to have all those chicks to yourself?

2008-01-09T17:27:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 33

I was talking to Jerry just now and he kinda spilled the beans about his debarment from his Infotainment module, courtesy of the lecturer-in-charge, Mr Michael Wee.

Basically what caused Jerry to get himself booted out from the module is this: his sucky attendance. Now, apparently this Infotainment module is project-based, not dictated by attendance, so I don't get why Wee decided to be trigger-happy with the "DEBAR" button on his computer (of course, this is figurative). As far as I know, attendance isn't worth crap if you know jack about the module. I mean, why bother debarring a brilliant student like Jerry (and trust me, his design skillz pwnz) if he knows the stuff that you're teaching goddamn well? Of course, if Jerry was a dumbass who was a recalcitrant skipper of his module, then that would be a different case, and I'd tell Jerry that he should've seen it coming.

I'm not taking sides here, but I find Jerry's debarment highly unfair. It's a waste of the effort that he's put into the project work for the module, and honestly speaking, Jerry's worked hard for all his modules ever since he failed Digital Media Design during our first semester. Honestly, if I were a lecturer, I'd just let him continue the module; why the fuck not? The dude hands in all his projects punctually and doesn't create trouble like some loser ruffian. Screw the attendance, he knows what he's doing. If he didn't then he wouldn't be handing work up, now would he? It also speaks volumes about the time and effort he's putting in to do self-study for the module, to the extent that he doesn't need to bloody come to know what's being taught. I'd rather be absent yet know what's being taught, than be present and not know a shit. It happens to some of us, me included. Just sitting down, listening to the lecturer droning on and on and on...yet nothing goes into our head. I've gone through this experience at least once per semester for all the programming modules that I've been taught, and trust me, it ain't a nice feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking sides. I NEVER take sides, for that matter. I'm the guy who sits on the fence and most probably gets killed by some stray bullet from someone's gun. But think about it: how helpful is debarment? The student ends up wasting more time in school and resents the lecturer who pulled the fast one on him. If the debarred student knows nuts about the module because he's been constantly absent, sure, be my guest and push the button. But what if the student is a bright (no, make that BRILLIANT) individual who has managed to hand up excellent work even without attending lessons? I'd say that speaks volumes about the how independent the student is, and how redundant the lecturer is. No offence, but I think I speak the truth from experience.

Welcome to Nanyang Polytechnic, where intelligence gets you screwed, and not in a good way.

2008-01-08T17:19:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 32

WAH LAU.

I got screwed over by another intern today. !@#$%^&**(!@#@#$!$ HER LAH.

Thank goodness for my uber-nice supervisor and staff on my side. Seriously. I mean, without them, I would've thrown a hissy fit...multiplied by, oh, I dunno, 20?

Now I know who my friends and enemies are in the office. Wait, make that ENEMY. I don't wanna get started and have the whole office out for my head on a silver platter man.

Sheesh. DAMN YOU, YOU FILTHY INTERN.

I hope you don't believe in retribution, because I sure do.

2008-01-07T15:08:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 31

I don't know whether this is true, but the uncle who owns the minimart where I buy my Mars bars after lunch says that eating Uncle Toby's muesli bars develops strong jaw muscles from all the chewing that is required to be done.

I dunno about you dudes, but I think I just found a new snack to stock up on. Screw the Mars bars, I say!

2008-01-06T20:50:00.000+08:00

In space, no one can hear you scream.
On Earth...it won't matter.

Hands up to those of you out there who love the Alien and Predator franchises as much as I do. I'm betting quite a lot of you are fans of these two species, and with good reason too. I mean, they're fucking kick-ass cool, and they totally scare the living shit out of us. Personally, I think that the Predator pwns the Alien, but hey, that's just me being a smart-ass because I think Predators are cool. I simply loved the Predator movies, and grew up idolizing Arnold "Gubernator" Schwarzenegger for having the balls to give the Predator in the first film a good ass-whupping. In short, the Aliens, and the Predators, KICKED MAJOR ASS ON THEIR OWN.

Along comes a guy named Paul Anderson, the fella who gave us Resident Evil, and he's probably thinking, "Hey! Why not have an Alien vs Predator movie, and bring two of the most iconic movie monsters to the big screen TOGETHER?" It was a fantastic idea. But then again, everything looks good on paper. When AvP was released, I wasn't entertained. I wasn't amused. And I felt that the film virtually killed the Alien and Predator franchises with its weak storyline, and sheer dumbness on the Predator's part. Dammit, PREDATORS ARE WALKING BREATHING FUCKING KILLING MACHINES, not romantic sods who hand out spare Alien body parts to some random chick in the middle of Antarctica (watch AvP and you'll get this).

3 years later, I saw the AvP2 trailer online, and I was thinking, "Fuck me, now this is what I call old-school Alien and Predator!" The trailer, to make a long story short, was KICK-ASS, just how an Alien vs Predator film should be. Unfortunately for me, and the $9.50 I blew on the movie, the trailer basically contained all the good parts. Heck, the Aliens vs Predator VIDEO GAME was 10 times better than the film, and I suggest that you just screw the film and play the game for the total Alien vs Predator experience. And double heck, but I just gotta say it: AvP 1 pwnz AvP2. Period.

AvP2 could've been a hit, but the film is marred by bad acting, stupid lines, and unlikeable characters. Sure, the showdown between the Predalien and the Predator is the wet dream of AvP groupies made real, and the various clashes between the humans, Aliens and sole Predator are cool in their own right. BUT a good film isn't just made of a few nice scenes; it's made up of a few nice scenes AND a coherent storyline that makes you feel for the characters' predicament. The humans in AvP2 are a bunch of selfish, good for nothing bums who you really feel nothing for. Sure, the pizza boy is pining for the love of his life, who, unfortunately has an assclown for a boyfriend. But then again, the chick he wants to screw is a hot blonde who probably wouldn't know a Predator spinning blade if it whizzed up and scratched her in the gut (OOPS, SPOILER). And that's what makes this movie suck. Ain't we supposed to be rooting for the humans stuck in the middle of the Alien-Predator-Predalien conflict? Instead we end up wishing that the three nonhuman species would just kill all the people in the town and get on with their intergalactic battle royale without any distractions, like some dumbass getting his paws on a Predator plasma pistol and getting trigger-happy with it (OOPS SPOILER AGAIN).

The ending, frankly, was dumb, and probably a convenient way for the directors to wrap up the film with no room for plot holes and factual inaccuracies. I mean, what better way to prevent some smart ass from spotting some teensy-weensy detail that doesn't belong, than to...(AHA NO SPOILER). Sheesh.

The glutton for punishment in me hopes that there'll be a sequel, a GOOD sequel, dammit. The sensible me just shakes his head in disdain and pity at this excuse for a movie with the two deadliest extraterrestrial species headlining it. In the States, AvP2 is known as Alien vs Predator: Requiem, and I think I know why.

The "Requiem" probably refers to the fact that this film has singlehandedly killed the Alien and Predator franchises and banished the two deadliest species into the annals of obsolete movie monsters. Rating: 2/5 stars

2008-01-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

After 5 looooong weeks of not seeing my friends, we finally had the chance to meet up today for a movie!

As rotten luck would have it, the movie was Aliens vs Predator 2 (which sucked balls; review coming up tomorrow), and we all left feeling a bit shortchanged. I remember the exact words I said in the silence of the cinema as the credits rolled:

"Fuck you, Brothers Strause."

Anyway after that we all went to makan at The Prata House, where we engaged in the usual friendly banter, which whiled away the minutes as the heavy rain fell in torrents, destroying all hope of going home. Anyway, here's the thing about my friends: when we talk, we tend to talk about stuff that's not related to our previous topic of conversation very frequently, and this is sort of how the progression went along:

FIRST TOPIC: (The lack of) Hair on Jarryd's legs, which we discovered was due to the fact that they were Veet-ed off by a vengeful friend

SECOND TOPIC: 2 Girls 1 Cup, which not a lot of us knew of. However, due to its graphic nature, we decided to save it after we had eaten

THIRD TOPIC: NS Medical Checkup, which Jerry has gone for, and regaled us with his horror stories of

INTERMISSION: Eating

FOURTH TOPIC: Me and Jarryd's recalcitrant absences from our NAPFA test (eh cannot blame us leh; the only time we actually went for the thing, it got cancelled WTF)

FIFTH TOPIC: Aliens vs Predators (and basically any other comic book character we could think of, like Terminator, Clark Kent from Smallville...etc etc etc)

SIXTH TOPIC: Power Rangers through the years (and surprisingly, this topic caused quite a bit of excitement between us, with sub-topicS ranging from the logical, like why can't the Rangers just summon their Zords to stomp on the monsters while they were still small, to the downright bizarre: "We go eBay then buy the Power Ranger costumes lah, then after that we dress up and save random chicks. Smart right?" - Jarryd (who else?))

SEVENTH TOPIC: Jarryd's Veet-ed legs again, and the possibility that they weren't the only body part that went through that treatment

EIGHTH TOPIC: Return to 2 Girls 1 Cup (which is, frankly speaking, too gross to talk about here. Bloody hell search on Wikipedia lah dey!)

It was still raining after we had finished talking, but what the heck, boys being boys, we decided to rough it out and go home in the rain anyway.

If what we did today becomes a regular habit, I foresee our rise to the grand rank of KOPITIAM UNCLES WTF.

2008-01-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 29

Wah piang, today I had to do a lot of things leh! As soon as I finished one thing, I got handed another task, and as soon as I finished that task, I got a new task etc etc etc...

And this all came to a head at 5pm when I was asked to do some picture editing for my supervisor's sales pitch presentation next week. FOR THE LAST TIME DUDES STOP GIVING ME DESIGN WORK TO DO!!!

My salvation came in the form of Jerry, who graciously offered his help and used his PURE PWNAGE SKILLZ to rustle up some good pictures in record time, and also offered to help me with the rest of the picture editing. THANKS A BUNCH DUDE!!!

With my worries far behind me, I packed up to go home, relieved that my work for the day was done. Before I left, I refreshed my Outlook inbox to check for spam mail, a habit I've developed since coming to work for my company. One new message received.

"Riyan, could you help me print 50 namecards for the staff; personal details below. Thanks!" - Harni

At that exact moment, I waved goodbye to whatever hopes I had of going home punctually.

2008-01-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

IAP Day 28

MARCH OF THE PENGUINS I'LL SHOW YOU MARCH OF THE PENGUINS DUDES

2008-01-01T12:40:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everyone.

No resolutions this year, because I'm starting to find them gay. I mean, why would I want to make resolutions that I'll probably fail to keep, and why make them on the first day of the new year when I could make them up as the year passes? Totally illogical.

Did I just hear your New Year's Day happy bubble go POP?

2007-12-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

The last man on Earth is not alone.

Robert Neville is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable, and man-made. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City and maybe the world. For three years, Neville has faithfully sent out daily radio messages, desperate to find any other survivors who might be out there. But he is not alone. Mutant victims of the plague - The Infected - lurk in the shadows... watching Neville's every move... waiting for him to make a fatal mistake. Perhaps mankind's last, best hope, Neville is driven by only one remaining mission: to find a way to reverse the effects of the virus using his own immune blood. But he knows he is outnumbered... and quickly running out of time.

WILL. SMITH'S. BEST. PERFORMANCE. EVER. Rating: 4.5/5 stars